Searching: An ambition

This year, I'll be turning 21.

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21?!!!!

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NO! It's not that I'm afraid of getting older but I'm afraid of myself in the future. In the next 2 or 3 years, I'll be graduating.

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I have no ambition at all. I have no idea what will I become in the next few years.

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A lawyer? A magistrate? A doctor? A musician?

... ehehe... way too much drama. cross the latter two out.

or... a housewife, maybe??? hehehe

but that kind of ambition pun seems to be hard to come true. why? cuz tadak calon la pulak.

...haish...

I guess I have no field which I'm good at.

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Back in Sekolah, when I joined the Softball team(or other sports), I only managed to be a bench-warmer. So I can't be a sportswoman.

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When it comes to presentations and speaking in front of the people, I'd become a stutter. So, It's hard for me to be a lawyer.

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When it comes to studying, and reading buku ilmiah, I'll sleep or daydream while doing it. So, susah la nak jadi majistret or hakim. hahaha.

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When it comes to cooking or baking, no one dares (including me) to eat what I've cooked or baked. So I can't be Haxira. eh silap. I can't be a baker/cook.

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...haish lagi sekali...

When I was in my primary school, (standard 2, kalau tak silap) I remembered a form given out by my homeroom teacher where I put my top 3 ambitions :

1) Pensyarah----- ( I have no idea what pensyarah was at that time but I was told by my brother that the salary a pensyarah can get is beribu-ribu... so, I decided to become one. tah hapa-hapa)

2) Peguam---- (it was becuz my Abah is a peguam but I didn't really get the idea what a Peguam is at that age. All I knew was he has his own office, he can get there(plus returning home) anytime he wanted to, he had a black briefcase, a black blazer, a black robe, etc... so I wanted to be like him too. Hoho)

3) Detektif---- (pengaruh TV. Fox Mulder plus Dana Scully. -.-!! )

Yes I know they were all based on crappy reasons but at least, when I was 8 years old, I had ambitions, right?

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Now?

In Between

A week previously...

One was about to leave, while the other was entering my life so abruptly.
The former needed a goodbye while the latter needed a Hello.

I knew it was coming. But I hate to accept such a fact.

I chose not to witness such a moment. I didn’t even dare to look at my watch. I just let the moment passed me by.

At such a moment I truly understand how Cinderella felt when the clock struck 12 o’clock in the midnight.

After a week of self denial...

It seems like I can finally accept it.

I’m able to write “2008” instead of “2007” in the date columns on my lecture notes. That’s a progress.

I have an issue with New Year each and every time it approaches. I hate to say goodbye and hello to the 2 different years. I guess I never had New Year resolutions.

See, how much I hate New Year?

But Riry manage to make me think about my New Year resolutions. She kept on bugging me these few days asking me about them, and told me how important it is for me to have them. So here I am, rising up my white flag towards her direction.

And… here they are… my New Year resolutions (not really resolutions, I guess they’re more like 2008’s goals to achieve) :

1) To make a trip to Singapore for the sake of watching ‘The Kite Runner’. It’ll be released in Singapore at the end of January. In Malaysia, the release date is in the month of April.

2) To buy Sony Cybershot T2 (green one).

3) To post more than 2 blog entries per month. Haha.

4) Not to make New Year (for 2009) resolutions at the end of the year 2008.